I remember when I was younger, albeit not so young that a career choice in life was far off.
I also remember my clear and perfect plan, to be a dancer/choreographer/dance teacher, for DANCE was my only requited love and passion. A life on stage for me! (Even if I couldn't sing...)
However, my clear and perfect plan was NOT an option for my parentheses (you know, the two legal guardians who encircle you and have a definite say in your future). They argued that I could have dancing as 'a nice hobby', but it wasn't something I could make a living off. (I don't envy that role in parenthood - not killing your kid's passion for a relatively healthy recreational activity, but steering them off wanting it as a life choice before you have to explain that the road to fame in showbiz is laced with compromising your innocence, health, body and dignity, as a rule...)
But how that expression burrrrrned! 'Nice hobby' was the ultimate, ultimate insult to my Art (thinking that way when you're 13 doesn't count as being pretentious; you shouldn't know better by then). This was where the phrase "you don't understand ANYTHING" came into my life with the accompanying red-hot tears.
At 17, I would envy and covet the life of the students of the local Performing Arts School, who were constantly slightly injured, got yelled at by the ballet teachers more than I could ever imagine during my own evening classes, and had to wear fishnet tights, latex hotpants and harlot makeup as a performance uniform more often than not (I think the thought just never crossed my mind that my Art could demand that of me, had I been in their shoes... sorry, latex hotpants). It seems there are endless stage roles as crowds of prostitutes. (Since when do they work in singing flocks?). At the time, I think I chose not to reflect on this.
Suddenly I turned 27. (The other day, come to think of it).
I wonder what the 13-year-old, or indeed the 17-year-old, that I once was would have thought about the fact that I turned into an engineer (!?) and spend my days pondering the usage and characteristics of different ergonomics methods (?!).
The weirdest thing of all? The entries in my calendar, these next 3 weeks:
- Tue: A capella song performance at a dinner party.
- Wed: Tap class.
- Thu: House dance class.
- Fri & Sat: Substituting as director at an amateur musical performance ('Frankenstein').
- Sun: Ballet class.
- Mon: Choreographing two dance numbers in another amateur musical performance ('Skatan').
It makes the 27-year old engineer I am, and probably my parentheses (if they read this), wonder what kind of engineer I am.
It seems my requited love caught up with me. :)
08/02/2008
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it seems the muses come to our family in the month of february - which i guess is appropriate since your birthday is coming up, nay? or... wait, did it already pass? i've never been good with numbers, including dates.
ReplyDeleteHej Cessie! This post sounds to me as an echo of my own teenage period. Weird thing: as I decided to answer, it took me one hour (mainly playing Piazzolla on my marimba) before deciding in which language I should write! My Swedish it too lousy and my French may turn too complicated (I'm not good at writing anyway). I'll try English, sorry for my poor vocabulary, I hope you'll get the idea :)
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me tell you two teenage experiences related to career (bouh, that word sounds so scary to me). The first one occurred with my parent(hese)s when I was 13. At that time I enjoyed cooking (I still do by the way), pastries most of the time – putting my hands in the bowl full of the weird mixture I prepared and that was supposed to turn into a cake was the best part. So I naturally explained my parents that « when I grow up I wanna be a pâtissier » (no idea of the English equivalent for that). That was a serious plan for me. My mum's answer « finish your studies and we'll see » let me in a half naiv half suspicious state of mind. Not truly convinced, I decided to trust her wisdom if I can call it so. Until I realized I was kind of betrayed.
The second one happened at school, I was about 14 – I gave up the idea of being a pâtissier but then I started music and I played more than ever, it was a serious option for me. In France we have a so called CIO (Centre d'Information et d'Orientation). Basically, its role in the education system consists in sending advisers in schools and keeping the children informed of all the education possibilities, especially the atypical ones. In the facts they are as ignorant as worms. By chance (?) the visit of these people in my class came along with the modernization of the school: computers. We were all invited to be advised by a program in a « Fill in the form, I'll tell you who you are » way – I omit the details about how crappy the questions were. That was the first time I heard the word ingénieur, I had no idea of the meaning of it but it appeared that it was the dream of all my friends. Why not. Sounds cool. Ingénieur. For my part, the oracle announced that I was an « artiste spectacle » but « beware, it is a difficult way with plenty of deceptions... bla bla bla », probably because I wrote I liked music very much. My parents' reaction to this was quite humiliating, and « artiste spectacle » became an upsetting nickname.
Now that I am a researcher-engineer (like somebody I know but I can't remember her name) I'm not sure what I should think about my parents' behavior. I can't blame them, I understand you want your children to have a secure job, to avoid the disillusionment of choosing their passion as a job. Though I really like my job now, I also wonder how much I did decide, since my father is a researcher. Thus, if I have to admit that they were partly right, I will never be able to answer truthfully, for I followed the same way (aren't there any disillusionment in research either?). The « what if they supported me? » question will be always opened. Argh!
The funny thing is that the nickname « Artiste spectacle » (that I still have within my family, though now completely accepted :) ) became even more true until now. In how many musicals and music groups did I play? Until my stay in Sweden I never knew exactly what I wanted to do but I always managed to let music be a part of it, the spex is one example. Have a look at my agenda too:
Mon & Tue: technique exercises
Wed: theater & music course
Thu: (usually) listening to concerts
Fri: percussion ensemble & brass band rehearsals
Sat: percussion course & practice the whole afternoon
Sun: sleeping until noon ;) oops
Playing music has always been the invariant in my life that, I think, makes me that kind of engineer (for which I don't have any accurate definition actually).