It's not what it feels like

People ask me if it feels weird to be home again after so long.

But it doesn't feel like it's been so long. And... wasn't Toronto my home too? At least then and there? In a sense, I was home all the time. But fitting back in once I returned here was a no-brainer. Now that I'm here, it feels like I never left, but... I suddenly have all those exotic memories. Narnia all over.

People ask how it feels now that Canada's so far away.

But I was there so long, and I am in touch with my TO friends often enough, that I find myself thinking that really, it doesn't feel like it's far away.  


People ask how it feels that I'll be a PhD soon.

It doesn't feel like soon. But I feel like getting it all done on time will be a tight squeeze.

People ask me how it feels that our 1-year anniversary is coming up.

1 year is not what it feels like. But it goes both ways. 1 year is how long we've acknowledged that we belonged together, but most of the time after that we've been apart. I have known him a long time but the 'we' that we are feels young. I've hardly even begun to exhaust that loving feeling.



My feelings about everything are getting elastic, so what it feels like just won't lend itself to be measured, these days.