Woman Schwoman!

I spent International Women's Day the way I usually do: I congratulated my cousin Bjarne on his birthday.

Every time someone 'congratulates' me on I.W.D., it's very rare that it isn't with an undertone of sarcasm. And honestly - 'thanks'. But I wish we didn't need to have one.

I've never been keen on calling myself feminist. I don't like the sound of it and I have my own reasons for it. So regardless of the definitions out there that say that it's really just an expression of wanting a society that supports equal opportunities, equal rights, equal responsibilities - that's fine, but Forget it. I hear a 'fem' built into the word that tells me that the concept is exclusive and victimizing to start with. And maybe because I associate the word 'feminist' with a character that I find very, very conflicting: the power martyr. With that I mean someone who is very able and self-empowered, but at the same time aggressively self-victimizing and a generalizer who blames their personal problems on a broad category of the population that they themselves do not belong to. (Which I guess could also be stretched into a definition of misogynist...)

But I've never been or felt like a lesser person because I am a woman - I've been lucky to never have that self-assurance thrown off course. I hear it's a rarity. Wish it wasn't.

Maybe it's because I identified myself as a tomboy as a kid. Sure, I wanted to be a ballerina and I loved dolls, but spending much of your time up in trees isn't very gender-specific, and all that jiujitsu my mom put me through as a kid made me equally convinced that I was strong and could take on anybody once I learned the techniques. I thought I could do what I wanted.

Maybe it's because I was a big sister to a brother who was never very particular about being boyish. He still likes Hello Kitty and I encourage him.

Maybe it's because I've been lucky enough throughout life to have been surrounded by mostly respectful people who either never gave me bit of shizzle about my being a girl, or stopped fairly quickly when I didn't take the bait.

Maybe it's because I expect a basic level of respect that I get it, most of the time. I don't demand it, I don't provoke it, I just simply expect it and get on with business. I don't care if that sounds like I'm full of myself, because that's actually fairly accurate and it works for me.

But crass truth be told, I know I've been dealt lucky cards in a lot of respects. I'm dark-haired, so no blonde jokes. I have a low voice, so nobody makes light of the way I talk*. I get myself into trouble and get myself out again, so no damsel in distress. But I'm not the product of just my own choices and my self-image - people have helped me. Given me opportunities. Supported me. Saved me. The basic self-assurance comes not only from relying on myself, but also relying on others. And I rely on people I don't know to respect me even before they get to know me. After that, I have to respond to them in such a way that I earn it.

What happens is, I get MAD when people make fun of other people who fall hard, are hard on their luck or get made a fool of. I get ANNOYED when people are too cool-for-school about something and use namedropping and cultural comparisons to pooh-pooh someone's hard work. I get FRUSTRATED when somebody looks for anti-validation, choosing to hear that they are fat, a failure, despicable or not good enough, in the absence of a direct compliment. (I've been like that. It was a very counterproductive thing to be.)

What I hope for from people round me is the self-assurance to look at each other and not see a gender, an age, a religion or a nationality first and foremost. See the person. And yes, that means be angry if the person makes you angry - it's only fair. Be inspired, be annoyed, be fascinated, be repulsed, be impressed, be not-so-impressed. But you can choose to have it stay that way, or not. If there's a connection, you can affect each other. Hopefully for the better, even if you make each other mad. And you're both free to play on or disregard the characteristics that are traditionally bestowed on you from your society. Whatever floats your boat.

Here's to being a human. Expect respect, then earn some.





*unless my hibernating Stockholm dialect is roused from its slumber, usually by the cruel pranks of agitation and/or alcohol...