Between him and me, about his daughter

It happens seldom, but yesterday was one of those nights when my parents took me along to a 'social function'. Not a very high-brow affair, but still. They had canapées. And my favourite fruit juice, red wine of unspecified origins. I was ordered by mom to dress 'a bit better than I usually do'.

What made the evening worthwhile was a conversation I had with a family friend who is a peer of my father. This man, btw, happens to be the rare combination of being a former overseas CEO of a famous technical corporation, with feet firmly planted in the ground. So a doofus he ain't. He has a daughter on the youthful side of 20+ (a girl I know since childhood, but don't hang out with frequently - possibly because I used to babysit her when I was twelve-ish...). She is the apple of his eye and the star over his ocean. Short story, she's daddy's girl and he adores her, but he's always let her lead life her own way.

He confided in me that his daughter had just broken up with her boyfriend, and his reaction to this was great relief. This had apparently happened on a mutual initiative, after she'd tried moving in and living with him, and both had realized that their respective better half provided no input in the domestic run-of-the-mill. In short, it was nobody's job cleaning up. After a while, the young ones figured on their own (as did the father, on his own) that here was a relationship with no staying power. And so it ended.

The relieved father said that he felt that now that the relationship was out of the way, his daughter was fortunate - she could now place some well-deserved time and focus on "developing herself". So he felt considerable optimism regarding her future (and as far as he could tell, she wasn't suffering).

Though I spent most of the conversation listening and going 'hm', I felt relief too. If someone who is older and wiser than I tells me that you can look at an unsuccessful relationship as part of a process, instead of a success/failure story by which sons and daughters are judged, then I will too. It certainly takes some fret* out of the single status. It makes sense that the in-between time is meaningful to your development. After all, whatever you learn, you bring to the next stage.

Her dad and I came to the conclusion that she'll probably be wiser, and will continue to become so, even after this fizzled-out relationship. And the idea that she can now develop her self consciously (instead of developing sub-consciously, as we do when we're with someone) is undoubtedly a positive thing.

Perhaps it's a bit of consolation to anyone who's single: in-between, we are still a work in progress.



(and for some reason, I feel that since I'm already picking up pointers about parenting kids aged 20+, I may one day be ready for life in general. ;)

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*but admittedly, not the pain if you're at the rejected end... But then, this story is a father's and a bystander's point of view.