landed

Why hello.

The very short version is: I pushed and ran on fumes until one beautiful morning (say around 7:30-ish, after the very, very last all-nighter)... I hit SEND.  My thesis was done, finally, after the hardest 5 months of my life.

Me at 7:35 am, after the fact

I came out of the office, greeted my colleagues who had just arrived and were getting morning coffee at the machine, and promised them all solemnly that I indended go home and sleep the entire day.

The following weekend, I shut the door to my flat, dragged a wheelie bag to Landvetter and flew away to London and Barcelona, hell-bent on relaxing, meeting a slew of cousins, and above all, forgetting what I'd just done.

Save for one night, (where I'd had the horribly realistic dream that all the conclusions to all my appended papers had fallen out, disappeared or were replaced with gibberish) I did manage to fill my mind with all the lovely fun that London and Barca have to offer, such as people-watching at the Camden Stables market, strolling along the Regent's Canal towpath and dreaming of living on a boat, and going snap-happy with my camera at the London Zoo. I also had help from lovely cousins and friends to show me town and keep my thoughts on the present.

And Oh!! By sheer luck of timing I had the awesome opportunity to meet the fantastic Angela, of Angela Learns to Act! :) We both happened to be in London at the same time and we decided to meet. It was my first-ever meetup with a fellow blogger that I've been following for years, and I was thrilled to find that the same earnest captivating blog voice I've been following for years has a living breathing counterpart. It was so great to meet you Angela!

Oh yeah, Darth was there too.

I spent much of my vacation also trying to catch up with feelings I'd been suppressing in order to keep on keeping on. I've spent much of the last 5 months shutting away a lot of pain, feelings of unworthiness and being a charlatan who can't keep a deadline. True enough, that first day when I could feel myself relax - I cried. But I cried from feeling relieved, that I'd gone through some tough times and gotten through it with so many lessons learned on the way. I may have handled this period in my life with a shaky hand, voice and faith, but I know that confronting it was an opportunity to grow better and now I'm kind of perversely grateful for having experienced and learned so much from it.

I know and respect myself better now, which I guess is more than I could have ever hoped for half a year ago. I didn't even know I needed it. But I'm glad to be where I am now, with what I've got.
I'm excited to see what good it might do in the future.