I'm not there

In an attempt to be kind to myself, I decided to decline the invitation to your birthday party tonight.

Had I gone, it would have been the very first I'd seen of you in exactly a month minus one day.

One month can be both long and short.

In the sense that I miss you terribly, it's very long.

In the sense that I can't guarantee you that I could handle our first encounter being in a room among all of OUR friends, trying to be all jolly and carefree as if our breakup didn't still have me stunned for a few moments every day, and just hearing your voice might stir up all the feelings I have been trying to coax into order and obedience under the law of "of course we're still friends" - one month is very short. I hope you understand that.

I didn't want to bring my feelings to your party. But you see, I have to take care of them.

So I wish, earnestly and with all my heart, that you get to be happy and carefree on your birthday, just like you should.


And I hope that staying away this time was the kindest decision I could have made.

Happy Birthday, D.
Make a wish.